So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize