Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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