let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
