idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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