I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize