Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
