so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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