Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
