WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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