Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
