that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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