i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My liver just had a heart attack.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize