how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Reggie can tackle my bush.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
