just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
