I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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