Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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