Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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