U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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