Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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