You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
