I will die if light touches me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
