I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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