She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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