Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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