I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I want a musical about memes.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
