aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
