just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
