shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
