Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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