Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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