What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
