i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Found the puke drawer
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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