I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
