They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
