TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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