You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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