I met the friendliest cop last night
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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