I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
