they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
