im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
