Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think my fart just growled at me.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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