we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
