my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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