You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
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