I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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