got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
