I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
