so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
