I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
