I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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