peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
