every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
