is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
