We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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