i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
