i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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