ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
