I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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