my soul wont recognize me after tonight
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
