Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
