i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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