She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
