So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
